Review - Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters: Volume 1, Issue 8

The aftermath of the Hamster’s epic struggle against Infidel Castro, in which the boys find themselves at their lowest...

Issue Number: 8
Publisher: Eclipse Comics
Publication Date: October, 1987

Writer: Don Chin
Art: Sam Kieth and Sam De la Rosa, with Russ Sever
Cover Art: Sam Kieth
Letterer: Kurt Hathaway
Editor: Letitia Glozer
Editor-in-Chief: Catherine Yronwode
Publisher: Dean Mullaney
Back-up Feature Writer: Mark Martin

Cover Price: $2.00
Current Price: $6.75

Preface - Penumbra

I’m not sure what is happening in this “Prenumbra”. Mrs. Yronwode says “Let’s talk about you. You’re the ones who buy these books, and here’s a sampling of who you are!” A brief list of bios ensues. Who are these people? Why are we talking about them? I won’t list the bios, but since these people were famous enough to make it into an ARBBH comic, here they are:

Matthew Bennet – from Sutton Coldfield (“outside of Brum”, which clarifies things)

Michael Naviaser – Vienna, Virgina
J.P. Thrill – Rickreall, Oregon
Jerry Smith – Morristown, Tennessee
Larry Towsley – Raleigh, North Carolina
Ian M. McLaughlin – Birmingham, England
Jerry Amoun – Hershey Park, Pennsylvania
S. Ruth Jones – Whitmore Lake, Michigan
Peter Evans – Chicago, Illinois
Sheree Price – Fort Sumter, South Carolina

None of them name themselves as Hamster fans per se; many are writing in saying they are fans of other – yes, other(!) – comic books. But they made it in regardless. Congratulations, folks. For something.

Story

This story is called “Secret Separation”.

It starts with Jackie on a deserted island, gathering wood and reminiscing.

We then go into a flashback, and revisit the moment when Bruce is (maybe) killed. Infidel Castro escapes, and the boys get some scuba suits. After a brief scuffle with a shark, they recover Bruce’s body.

On the operating table, it is apparent that Bruce really is dead. The monitor is flat-lining, with an “eeeeee” sound after all.

The Death of a Hamster

Back to the present, on the island. Jackie starts carving a name on some wood.

Back to the flashback. Jackie runs screaming out of the room, and the other two guys go to console him. But while they are out of the lab, weird things start happening!

First, some “thing” breaks free of a pod of sorts:

What does it mean?

Then, the “thing” – which looks suspiciously like a Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis! – Goes to Bruce’s body and starts doing… something.

Just what exactly is going on here?

A buzzer goes off, which means the undersea base is about to explode. The Hamsters rush to get Bruce’s body back, and find to their alarm that the door is locked!

Something diabolical is afoot!

They find some aqua sleds and manage to escape just as the base explodes. The blast scatters the hamsters. Jackie washes up on an island somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle. Chuck gets picked up by Russian sailors. And Clint get picks up by a party yacht owned by Don Pastabelli, Mafia crime lord.

One of the last shots is when Jackie puts down the memorial he carved for Bruce.

Bruce Hamster. R.I.P.

Back-Up Feature

There is a story at the end by Mark Martin called “Ronnie and Gorby”. It’s a spoof of President Reagan and Gorbachev, only drawn as a bear and a bird (hilarious! no?) The less said about it, the better. Even worse, at the bottom is a secondary strip lecturing the reader about politics. It’s all very tired, boring, and unfunny. And it just comes from out of nowhere. When did ARBBH suddenly decide to become Doonesbury?

Comrade, look! Hilarious, no?

Back to the Hamsters…

New Characters:

- Mikhail – Russian Sailor

- Don Pastabelli – Mafia Crime Lord and Yacht Owner

- Mysterious “Thing” – A monster(?) that shows up at Bruce’s body, and appears to be a Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis!

Review

I’m not sure how I feel about this issue. It wraps a few things up – sort of. As far as Infidel Castro goes, nothing happens. He just gets away. And why? Why did he capture Bruce? Why did he kill him? Why did he then set the base to self-destruct? Is there any rhyme or reason to any of this? It all seems so random.

This issue only has twenty pages, and not much happens in it. A few key things, but very little. And it ends with the Hamsters all split up, seemingly scattered to the winds. If there is a new direction that this story is going to go, it is not at all evident.

The humor level of this issue is severely lacking. It’s like they didn’t even try. It only has one discernable joke the whole issue, shown below. I was really disappointed by this.

Chuck looks about as tired as that joke makes me feel.

If there is one important thing about this issue though, it is that it shows definitively that Bruce is still alive. How exactly is not clear, but it is clear that something is happening. Let’s review:

1. Toe-Jam Monsters from Atlantis(!) are created using a serum designed to expand lung capacity so that a person can survive for long periods underwater. Being corrupted with the toenail clipping carrier agent is the finishing touch.

2. Bruce was already underwater for a long time, meaning that either he had already been injected with the serum, or that it was only Bruce’s body with no brain. (An out there theory, I know, but bear with me!)

3. Bruce got hit with a harpoon, either designed to kill him outright or one carrying the carrier agent.

4. Bruce is killed. Or if it was just his body, it too was killed.

5. A Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) hatches from a pod in the lab. Now this is where things get fuzzy. It could be that at the beginning of the process, a blank monster clone body is created. Or it could be that this is where Bruce’s brain was taken, and it has now fully mutated.

6. The Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) goes over to Bruce’s body, and starts doing something with it. Whatever he is doing there, the body is now alive, because the heart rate monitor is beeping.

7. So what was the monster doing? If he was a blank monster clone body, then he was putting Bruce’s brain / mind into his own. Or if he was Bruce’s brain fully mutated, he was weeping and saying goodbye to his old body. Or was just confused.

Or there is a much simpler theory. A harpoon kills Bruce. A Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) hatches. He goes over to the body and somehow resuscitates it. Then later when the base blows up, their brains somehow get switched in the explosion. At that point, Bruce lives on in the new body of the monster. See the cover if you don’t believe it!

I know that’s a lot of speculation. And I hope you enjoyed all those mental gymnastics. But it’s all going to pay off in a future issue – I promise!

After reflecting further, I am quite sure how I feel about this issue. I don’t like it for two reasons: It’s not funny, and nothing happens.

In a comic titled “Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters”, not being funny is almost unforgivable. If you aren’t going to be funny, then you sure as heck had better pull of a great story! But does that happen here? No. Nothing much happens in the story, and what you see makes no sense. At the end, you feel like you’ve read twenty pages of… nothing.

And since when did these comics get so short? Have they always been twenty pages? You just don’t get very much bang for your buck here. Especially considering that this issue also includes a price increase of $0.50 over prior issues. Issue #7 wasn’t too great, and this one is worse. That does not bode well for issue #9.

Favorite Moments

- I don’t really have any, I am sorry to say. This issue is so “meh” that nothing about it stands out as good or entertaining in my view, especially compared to the earliest issues. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m telling it like it is.

Memorable Dialogue / Hamsterisms:

- It didn’t have any that I could tell. The dialogue in this issue was not up to prior Hamster-level quality. It had only one joke the entire issue, not even worth repeating here.

Random Thoughts

This issue really made me wonder about the history of what happened with this comic series. As you probably know, the very next issue was the last issue of the original series. I just wonder what went wrong here. Was the collaboration between Don Chin and Sam Kieth a bust? Had Don run out of comedic ideas? Was Don just tired of doing the comic? Or was it not an ARBBH problem at all? Maybe it was an Eclipse problem. Was Eclipse running out of money? Did the whole thing go under at once, and ARBBH was just a part of that?

I don’t know the answers to these. But it’s clear that at the time this comic was made, it was intended to continue as a series.

Hamster Droppings:

There is no Hamster Droppings this issue. Instead, we have a “Top of the News” page for Eclipse. It mentions that Mark (“Gnatrat”?) Martin did the “Ronnie and Gorby” feature for this issue of ARBBH, and will continue to do that regularly in the future. From that, it’s clear that they weren’t planning on canceling the series at this point in time. It’s also disappointing that someone was planning on continuing with this “Ronnie and Gorby” nonsense. If there’s anything worse than a political comic that is not funny, it’s an unfunny political comic that is also trying to be educational. Could we just get back to some good Hamster jokes please?

Letters Page Contributors / Hamster Hall of Fame:

No letters page this issue. That’s just another way that this issue was a bit of a dud.

Rating

Humor             0 / 10
Story               1 / 10
Art                   7 / 10
Style                1 / 10
Overall            2.3 / 10

Hmmm... Have you met my mother? That's a tough question to answer. Let me get back to you on that one!