Review - Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters: Volume 1, Issue 7

In which our heroes’ vacation is cut short by a deadly monster, and they find themselves trapped by a madman in his fortress deep under the sea…

Issue Number: 7
Publisher: Eclipse Comics
Publication Date: August, 1987

Writer: Don Chin

Art: Sam Kieth and Sam De la Rosa
Cover Art: Sam Kieth
Letterer: Kurt Hathaway
Editor: Letitia Glozer
Editor-in-Chief: Catherine Yronwode
Publisher: Dean Mullaney

Cover Price: $1.50

Current Price: $5.04
 

Preface - Penumbra

In this issue’s Penumbra, we are treated to another long list of names…

New Interns:   John Defalque, Lynn Buckman

A Promotion: Sean Deming
New Employees: Stephen Scott, Beau Smith

Old Employees: Letitia Glozer, Fred Burke, Catherine Yronwode, Mack Fraga, Dean Mullaney, Jan Mullaney, Madelyn Feinberg, Bruce Palley, Lex Nakashima, Ken Pierce, Tim Truman, Mark Evanier, April Campbell, Bruce Jones

She also mentions Eclipse’s new lineup of Japanese comics, and a Manga ballot.

Last but not least, there is an offer for seven different Eclipse posters for that summer – for Free…? Holy crap! It only cost $1.07 in stamps. How cool is that? I wonder if that offer is still valid…

Story

Introducing… “Toe-Jam Monsters from Atlantis”!

Gotta love the title!

The story starts in Miami beach, in August. Which just happens to be the month of this issue.

Our favorite rodents are officially done with their road trip, or so it seems at least. They are playing football on the beach. When Chuck steps into the trees to get the ball, he is attacked by a hideous, disgusting creature – a Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis!

The creature feeds. There’s not really any way to describe this other than to show you the visual.

Mmmm... Just like Mama used to make!

The Hamsters gather up their fallen comrade and make their getaway, using a Ferrari that they recently purchased. As they drive, they are chased by the monster. They go across a bridge, and up a parking garage, where they are cornered.

At the top of the building, they all get thrown off while holding on to the monster. The monster has a tight grip on Clint. The whole group falls into the ocean.

While struggling in the water, a vortex opens up, and all of them are sucked down. The emerge as prisoners in the underwater lair of an evil genius named Infidel Castro. As Castro and his friend Stella Starlight watch on the monitors evil villain style, the Hamsters are subjected to various ordeals.

Chuck is forced to fight a 12-foot robot named HAL-9000. As they are fighting, the robot goes crazy and seems to self-destruct.

 

How cool-looking is that art?

 
Jackie is shown to be trapped in a large group of wires, being strangled. It turns out that he is actually placed inside the robot’s head, and his presence is what made the robot go crazy.

Bruce is caught underwater, tied up with ropes. A shark swims nearby. (How can he breathe under there?)

 

An oxygen supply? Nah! But at least Bruce's captors were thoughtful enough to provide him with a swim mask.

Clint encounters a robot that is bristling with knives, blades, razors, and other sharp-edged utensils. The robot chases him, until he turns and fires at it – Marvel’s Cyclops-style. The blast destroys it.

 

With Issue #7, Don Chin could no longer resist the urge to use this joke.

Chuck rescues Jackie from the robot’s head, and then Clint rescues Chuck and Jackie from their cell. They wander around, looking for Bruce. Then on the loudspeakers, Infidel Castro directs their attention to where Bruce is underwater in the shark tank (how can he breathe again?). Each of them watch as – to their horror – Bruce is violently impaled by a harpoon gun. The End.

New Characters:

- Infidel Castro – Famous treasure hunter, entrepreneur, billionaire, scientist, bad guy.

- Stella Starlight – Sleazy Brooklyn bimbo, ex-waitress in a bowling alley, juvenile delinquent, beauty school dropout.

- Marco – Cuban refugee injected with a lung-expanding serum which has been contaminated with Infidel Castro’s toenail clippings, transforming him into the titular Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis! (Note: You have to use an exclamation point every time you write “Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis”! It’s required by law.)

- HAL-9000 – Killer Robot #1.

- Artoo Ginsu – Killer Robot #2.

- Barney – Great White Shark.

Review

It’s kind of refreshing with this issue because it kicks off an entirely new storyline. Now that the Hamsters are free from the P.L.O. and have (apparently) escaped the authorities, the writers are free to go in a new direction. And they do!

However, in my opinion the humor level is still severely lacking, especially compared to some of the Hamster’s first several issues. If anything, the humor is in even more of a decline from the last issue. There’s a shark in this issue. No one literally jumps over it. But the thought came to mind.

On the other hand, the story is interesting. Seeing things go in a different direction from past Hamster adventures is intriguing. A new villain – Infidel Castro – is introduced along with some crazy new ideas.

Also, the artwork is stellar! I think this issue features some of the best artwork seen in any Hamster comic yet. Sam Kieth did a great job here. Once you get over the initial “But it’s Not Parsonavich” blues, you can see how great Mr. Kieth’s art really is. For example, just check out this pic of a Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis!

 

Trust me, you do NOT want to be there when a monster like this throws a hissy fit!

I felt like this issue wasn’t long enough. It moves along at a pretty fast pace, but introduces the main villain too late, and doesn’t take the time to develop him. Before you know it, the issue is already over.

One thing that irritates me about this issue – and the last one for that matter – is that somehow the Hamsters have forgotten how to fight. They got into lots of fights in their first issues. Because, you know, they’re martial arts masters? But now it seems like most of the time all they do is run away from everything. They spent a lot of time doing that in issue 6, and now they are doing the same thing in issue 7. And even when they do fight, it’s not a fight. It mostly consists of just being grabbed by some giant monster or robot, and staring at it helplessly. Maybe I’m overanalyzing this thing, but aren’t our heroes supposed to occasionally act like heroes?

Another thing I dislike is that the Hamsters seem to have digressed in what little personality traits they’ve shown so far. Clint maybe hasn’t changed, but his cockiness isn’t on display anymore. Chuck isn’t showing any leadership ability. And Jackie no longer acts like a kid. They all just act the same now – like four carbon copies of regular bland old Bruce. What gives?

I hate to be so harsh. But along with a reduction in humor, these things are a shift in the writing that I am slightly unhappy with.

Bruce’s death is the big moment in this comic. And it is pretty shocking. It’s violent by any comic’s standard, but especially by ARBBH standards.

 

THE DEATH OF BRUCE - Even Barney the Shark looks a bit shocked!

The death seemed really sudden to me, like there hadn’t been enough buildup in the story to warrant a payoff like that. It fell kind of flat in that way. We’re introduced to a new villain that we know nothing about, who almost immediately then kills one of the Hamsters. It’s shocking, and not really in a good way.

The whole thing comes off as a story that is struggling with its tone. Is it a humor comic? Is it serious? Is it both? Is it about story? Or is it just about wacky art?

I feel like this thing focuses too much on the art and not enough on the story. Take this, for example – Bruce’s Ginormous feet:

 

Giant Feet! Because... FUNNY! Right? Right...???

Okay, so look at that. Is that funny? I mean, yeah it’s kind of funny-looking but just looking at that by itself is not hitting my funny bone. But that’s how things are in the new comics here. Things are drawn wacky, things are drawn cartoony. But does that make it funny? Just by itself, no.

I mean, take for example Donald Duck. He looks funny, yes. But Donald Duck isn’t funny because he’s drawn that way. He’s funny because of the things he does, and the stuff he gets into. Being drawn funny doesn’t hurt, but it’s only part of the equation.

Sometimes being drawn funny IS funny enough. I felt like Parsonavich’s art hit this mark on many occasions. Mainly when the perspective was off so much that the whole drawing didn’t make any sense, like showing people as tall as buildings. That just looked hilarious to me. But maybe it all comes down to personal taste.

Humor is a very important part of ARBBH. It’s understandable that the humor level could vary by issue. But if it doesn’t bounce back soon, then it’s not going to be good! Unless it is going the TMNT route, where they don’t even try to be funny.

Wow, have I digressed here or what? Back to the Death of Bruce…
 

 

Yikes! Seriously people, that's just wrong!

The first time I read this, I was shocked. But at the end, it says “The End? Not by a Long Shot!” That gave me some reassurance. And knowing what comes later, obviously it’s not the end.

But it’s only when I read this for the second time that the story really made sense to me. I mean, in shot after shot it shows Bruce tied up UNDERWATER with nothing but a mask. I kept thinking to myself, “How can he breathe under there? Why isn’t he dead yet?” Then I remembered what the story says about how the Toe-Jam Monsters from Atlantis(!) were formed.

The Toe-Jam Monsters from Atlantis(!) are formed from first injecting someone with a lung-expanding serum made so that they can survive underwater. Bruce must have been injected with this. Why else would he be able to stay underwater for so long without breathing? The second step of creating a Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) is to make sure the serum is contaminated with toenail clippings. Maybe the shot with the harpoon was not an ordinary harpoon, but a special harpoon containing the toenail clipping carrier agent? Or maybe the initial death of the victim is the first step toward transformation. Either way, it seems clear based on the clues presented – combined with the optimism of the final caption – that Bruce is not dead. What is about to happen to him…? We will see that very soon!

Favorite Moments

- The Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) feeding.

- “I Can’t Drive 55” playing on the radio of the Hamster’s new Ferrari (They bought a Ferrari? What the heck!)

- Clint doing a Cyclops-style eye blast. Ha! I didn’t see that coming.

- I really like the cover art, and how the Toe-Jam Monster from Atlantis(!) is drawn in general.

Memorable Dialogue / Hamsterisms:

- “Gulp! Where did you come from – Berni Wrightson’s ‘Rent-a-Beast’?”

- “I’ve heard of foot fetishes, but this is ridiculous!”

- “Guys! Guys! A big, hideous, hairy monster just sucked my toes!”

- “Hmmm… This is peculiar. Both his feet are wet and completely hairless!” “Maybe he stepped in a Viet Cong ‘Nair’ mine or something!”

- “Wamma Bamma Jamma!”

- “Rats! I knew I should have had the ‘Ugly Monster Wipes’ installed when the guys at Ferrari sold me this car!”

- “Look, guys. I realize I haven’t bathed in a while but there have to be more subtle ways of persuading me!”

- “Terminate… Terminate…! *Whirrrr* #Click# Danger Will Robinson!”

- “Oh-Uh! What do they call you in this place? Artoo Ginsu?”

Random Thoughts

   - These are, in general, much skinnier-drawn hamsters than Parsonavich’s.

   - On page 1, Jackie is drawn with no ring around his left eye.

   - On page 4, Bruce is drawn with no ring around his right eye.

   - They bought a Ferrari? How?

   - Where’s Randi? What happened to her? I thought she was going to stick around, and maybe become a regular character. She was Clint’s semi-girlfriend, after all. But she just disappeared.

   - Whey would they have put Jackie inside the robot’s head? It doesn’t make any sense.

Hamster Droppings:

Before the Hamster Droppings begin, we have a “Top of the News” page for Eclipse. It mentions a sell-out summer for Eclipse, which strikes me as odd considering that the Hamsters are about to be ending in exactly 2 issues. What happened?

It also mentions Reid Fleming – but of course! And that the Heap was going to get a crossover in Airboy. Cool.

There’s then an ad page for Eclipse manga. It’s interesting to look at, for sure. But manga just for manga’s sake has never been my thing.

For Hamster Droppings, Don Chin mentions the new look and storyline. He also says that starting with issue #8, they will be going bi-monthly, with a regular team including inker Sam De La Rosa, and “Man-Kieth”, penciller and co-plotter. Again, this strikes me as odd. It’s announced that the Hamsters are JUST moving to bi-monthly, and they are cancelled two issues later? Why? Clearly, ending the series was not on Don’s mind at this time. Or if it was, he certainly wasn’t showing any signs of that. And sales were supposedly up. So what happened? What changed?

The #8 issue is supposed to include a 6-page backup called “Ronnie and Gorby”, by Mark “Gnatrat” Martin (What’s with all the nicknames, already? Ha!) Also, a 9-page backup is planned for issue #9 called “Adolescent Radioactive Big Butt Hamhocks”.

Don mentions that a Hamsters RPG module would soon be released. Holy crap! That’s amazing! I wonder if that did come out? Of it would be available anywhere? That would be a heck of a collector’s item! He says that it will play with Jerry Epperson’s game system called “Critters”, made by Fantasy Games Unlimited.

Don also mentions a Hamsters VIDEO GAME that he himself made for Commodore 64 and 128. (Wow!). It was available back then for only $7.50. In it, there were three levels where you could fight “cosmic jello, Swill the cat, doggie doo-doo, Warhol, Teen-crazed mutant ninja tortoise, and the P.L.O.”! Sounds pretty awesome to me! Talking about collector’s items… Too bad I can’t get a hold of a copy of that in all of it’s 8-bit glory!

Speaking of which, I’m kind of amazed at Don Chin’s creative skills. He got the Hamster’s going, and made a ton of comics of them (including all the other issues beyond the regular series). And was also going to college at the same time. Plus he found time to market the Hamsters, and program a video game too, just for fun. Some of the things he planned for the Hamsters didn’t pan out, but the point is he TRIED. He worked hard, and did a lot. And you’ll miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take, after all. So that’s some pretty impressive accomplishments to me.

He talks about an ARBBH graphic novel, in color. It was definitely planned. I wonder if it was ever published? I am not aware of it.

He also includes a few personal music recommendations. The ones I recognized included Genesis’s “Invisible Touch” (The 80’s – yeech., and Amy Grant’s “The Collection”, which I used to own. He also recommends Fleetwood Mac and Kool and the Gang. I have to agree with him there!

Letters Page Contributors / Hamster Hall of Fame:

This issue is unique in that it includes “Pen Pals from Around the World”. It has full addresses again. I won’t put those here!

     Tina Wicke – West Germany

     Clive Hugget, Surrey, U.K.
     Carmen Reid, Kincardineshire, Scotland, U.K.
     Fraser Morton, Strathclyde, Scotland, U.K.
     Rodney Swanson, Surry B.C., Canada
     John the Letterhack – Keene, NH
     Troy “The Bay” Miller – Hacienda Heights, CA
     Jeffrey Hess – Valpardiso, IN

Tina has a very funny letter. Don’s answer confirms that Clint’s earring is indeed a razor blade.

Clive complains about comic inconsistencies and a lack of continuity. Sounds like my kinda guy!

John mentions that “The stories are a riot and Parsonavich’s art has a way of worming its way into your soul.” How true that is, John. How true that is.

That’s it for this edition! Onward to number 8!

P.S. These reviews have been a little slow for me lately for two reasons. First, I've been doing genealogy research, and this has taken a lot of my time. Also, I’ve been spending a lot of my free time studying Chinese for a trip to China soon. So they may be few and far between, but the dream of reviewing every Hamster comic isn’t dead – far from it! Cheers :)

Rating

Humor             2 / 10

Story               7 / 10
Art                   9 / 10
Style                8 / 10

Overall            6.5 / 10