Review – Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters: Volume 1, Issue 3

In which Bruce, Jackie, and Clint face life in the slammer for their misdeeds, while Chuck and Myron make plans to bail them out...

Eclipse Volume 1, Issue 3

Issue Number: 3
Publisher: Eclipse Comics
Publication Date: July, 1986

Story: Don Chin
Art: Herb Wood, Mike Dringenberg

“Return of the Yeti” Short Story:
Story: Kevin Harville
Art: Bryan Robles

Editor-in-Chief: catherine yronwode
Publisher: Dean Mullaney

Cover Price: $1.50
Current Price: $1.75

Preface

The issues starts with an editorial by catherine yronwode (name not capitalized in honor of her, because that’s the way she likes it). In it, she has a theme on comic censorship and government intrusion on art in general. I pretty much agree with everything she says, but it does get me to thinking…

In the mid-80’s, there were so many editorials on this subject. This is at least the 3^rd or 4^th one I’ve read. What was up with that? Why were so many editors talking about it, and what was the driving force behind that? I don’t remember there ever being any laws under consideration to censor comic books, but I was a little young at the time. And when I first read this comic, it was a good 10 years after it had been published. A lot can be missed in that amount of time!

Story

Immediately following the events of Issue 2, the three hamsters who pillaged the whole east side (Jackie, Bruce, and Clint) are apprehended by police. They are thrown in jail, where they are forced to get haircuts. That is, except Clint’s mohawk, which can’t be cut by a normal razor.

In prison, they are forced to wear prison clothes and eat prison food, including dog meat. Jackie gets sick, and is taken back to the barber. While waiting, he spots a strange jumpsuit hanging. He puts it on, and then accidentally gets shocked. This screws up his memory, changing him into “Bad-Gerbil”.

Back in the cafeteria, Bruce and Clint start a food fight, which turns into a prison brawl. Jackie rejoins them, and helps fight. When they become overwhelmed by 50 to 1, they call out to the comic artists to help erase a few of the bad guys. Herb Wood erases one, but then runs out of liquid paper. Parsonavich agrees to erase some more, in return for “99% of the profit and a lifetime supply of Foster’s lager”. The fight continues.

In the middle of it, Clint gets shot into the air by one of the prisoners. He gets blasted through the roof, soaring into the sky.

Meanwhile back at the hotel, Myron goes to tell Chuck what happened to the others, and finds Chuck beating the crap out of three 10-foot tall cockroaches. After subduing the roaches, he grabs a suitcase full of money and the two of them head toward the prison to bail the others out.

While they are driving in the cab, Clint falls and crashes into the backseat. When they get to the prison, Chuck and Myron leave the car to go bail the other two out. Clint wakes up, and decides to take matters into his own hands. He rams the cab into the prison wall, breaking it open.

As the fight comes to an end, Chuck is flabbergasted to see that the legal way out is no longer an option. The four hamsters agree to a life on the run, and escape from the prison.

As they leave, they give Myron $40,000 to buy a new cab, or a limo. The story ends with Myron outside of his new limo, calling the National Enquirer.

P.S. There is also a short story called “Return of the Yeti”. This is a continuation of “Man of the Mountains”. In it, the Hamsters start back toward the monastery, but become frozen in an avalanche. They get captured by a family of yetis. The yetis feed them some disgusting food, and they leave as soon as they thaw out. When they return to Master Lock, he doesn’t believe them.

New Characters:

      - Thursten Teddy the Third – Chuck’s childhood teddy bear (mentioned, not shown)

- Adolf Von Rootripper (a.k.a. “Herr Rootripper”) – The prison barber

- Bullhead Baxter – Friendly Prison Warden

- Fido – A very short-lived canine.

- Homewrecker Howard – Editor of the prison table etiquette paper: “The Tomb’s Tastebud”.

- Bad-Gerbil – Jackie’s short-lived superhero alter-ego.

Review

The first notable thing about this issue is the exterior artwork. It is very unusual. It looks like a Parsonavich drawing, come to life in claymation. It’s quite interesting. If you look closely at it, it is actually a collage of sorts, with mixed media. It has a photo, a drawing, a watercolor (?), and clay. But is it really clay? It’s difficult to tell. Sure looks like it! But how could clay be done in such a way so as to look EXACTLY like a Parsonavich drawing?

What a work of art!

From the credits, it is unclear who made this art. Was it Herb Wood, or Mike Dringenberg? Mike did the coloring on Issue 2, so there’s a good chance he did this also.

The next striking thing about this comic is the interior artwork. Right away, it’s obvious that Parsonavich didn’t draw it. So who did? Again, the credits are unclear. Was it Herb? Mike? Or both? In any case, the art is so different from the first two issues that the effect is jarring.

Are these really supposed to be Jackie, Clint, and Bruce?

Personally, I didn’t like this. Parsonavich’s art is highly unique, and works well in a comedic setting. The new artwork looks great, but it is a lot more “normal”. Some of the comedic value is immediately lost in the switch.

But once you get used to the new art, it is good. Herb (or Mike?) did a great job here. It just takes a while to adjust, as the Hamsters and Myron look literally NOTHING like they did in the first two issues.

The story was good. It had a lot of funny moments, but to me this one wasn’t as humorous as the first two issues. It’s still good, but I feel like the humor level took a very minor dip here.

But there’s still a lot to like, regardless. The whole prison story was great. Chuck’s scene with the roaches was good. What happened to Clint, and the way they busted out was good. Myron’s send-off was good. (Looks like he’s not going to be their version of a Casey Jones, after all.)

I’m starting to wonder if the Hamsters are going to succeed in their long-term mission: to deliver Master Lock’s package to his brother in San Francisco. But at least they are out of jail now, even if they are on the run for acts of extreme terrorism. Usually in these stories, heroes on the run are actually innocent. In this case, they are guilty. At least it’s not malicious. It’s guilty by reason of brainwashed movie violence. That’s a good reason if I ever heard one.

So it’s a riches to rags story. Except that they still have money. So nevermind.

The short story at the end – “Return of the Yeti” was much more enjoyable than last issue’s short. I liked it. And at least the hamsters look like themselves again, even if Parsonavich didn’t draw it. They still look right. But that means that – oddly – these “Early Years” hamsters no longer look like toddlers.

Favorite Moments

- Chuck beating up the roaches in the hotel.

- Graffiti on p. 4: “Turdtles Rule”

- Clint coming on to the office lady.

- Sentencing the Hamsters to eat spam.

- The brutal butchering of a dog on p. 13 (much funnier than it sounds!)

- Clint listening to Sting’s “Demolition Man” on the radio while driving the cab.

- Chuck’s headband.

Memorable Dialogue / Hamsterisms:

- “Stay back, Myron! I do battle against fiery demons of hell sent to threaten me in my sleep!”

- “Well, you just bludgeoned 3 giant cockroaches to death and got yourself covered in cockroach guts. How do you feel?”

- “We’re smack-dab in the middle of an urban metropolis, supposedly devoid of any plant life, yet you manage to step on the only dry twig within one hundred miles! Terrific!”

- “Think you can treat me like a little kid, eh? Well, nobody forces me to fingerpaint!”

-“Sex?” “Always.” “Age?” “Old enough.” “Name?” “Course I got one!” “What state were you born in?” “Psychotic state. My place or yours, babe?”

- “No shaves! No razors! You ain’t layin’ a hand on me! It took me five years to get my mohawk this way!”

-“Oboy! Spam!”

-“Lemme get this straight… You want, me… To stick, my head… in this oven… for my execution?” “Aw, go on! Housewives do it all the time!”

-“What’re you guys gawkin’ at? Ain’t you ever seen someone blotted out of existence?”

-“Herb! Help! Sorry, guys! I ran out of liquid paper.”

-“Gnarley…”

-“You guys… are just too weird.”

-“Let’s go out and be ruthlessly violent for entertainment’s sake!”

-“I was about to get you released! Now you break down the prison walls and assault an officer! That’s just terrific!” “Aw, put a sock in it, Harry!”

-“Who’s Ralph?”

Random Thoughts

The “Bad-Gerbil” getup was kind of odd. It’s spoof of the comic hero “The Badger”. I never knew that before, so I didn’t get the joke. I had to look it up. The Badger likes to call people Larry. Bad-Gerbil likes to call people Harry…

 

"Bad-Gerbil"? Or one lone hamster's personal species identity crisis?

It was okay – especially when Jackie was fighting in a superhero suit – but a gerbil? I get that it was needed to make the pun, but hamsters are not gerbils! Sure they are both rodents but, but… Oh well. Just go with it.

On Page 18, panel 4, a dreaded “ball shot” occurs. If you saw the letters page for issue 2, you would know that some people don’t like this. I say, bring it on! The world doesn’t have enough kooky testicular antics!

Now THAT's what I call good humor!

On p. 21, Parsonavich’s art makes a reappearance! But alas, it is only temporary. Contrast some of the other drawings you’ve seen here with this self-portrait:

Parsonavich... The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

In “Return of the Yeti”, the Hamsters “become frozen solid, with only their radioactivity to keep them alive”. Cool! This is the first hint that the Hamsters may have some sort of latent superpowers.

I liked seeing them eat Hand-in-Pot Stew. It was just like Conan the Barbarian :)

Hamster Droppings:

Chin’s editorial is always funny. Like him mentioning that he laughs when the postman delivers to an address marked “Hamster Droppings”. Good stuff!

He lists the Hamster Hotline Number again, and mentions that they have been getting long distance calls from all over. He says they average talking to two new people per day! Awesome.

He gives instructions for the best times to call, and adds that “Parsonavich says heavy female breathing is preferred, but not absolutely necessary.”

Back in the day, they were selling issues of #2 autographed free of charge. How cool is that?

He mentions the glut of “Mutant Ninja Critter” comics that ARBBH spawned. (Often imitated, seldom duplicated.) I am familiar with many of these. Heck, I own a bunch of them! None are as good as the Hamsters, but some are still kind of fun to read. The ones he mentions are:

   - Adult Thermonuclear Samurai Elephants

   - Pre-Teen Dirty Gene Kung Fu Kangaroos (owned by myself)

   - Hamster Vice (owned, most of ‘em anyway)

   - Geriatric Gangrene Jujitsu Gerbils

   - Mildly Microwaved Pre-Pubescent Kung-Fu Gophers

He also mentions some other Hamster appearances, and a few promotional plugs:

   - Laffin’ Gas #1 (owned)

   - Naïve Interdimensional Commando Koalas (owned)

   - Laffin’ Gas #2 – with a Chin and Parsonavich Dark Knight spoof (owned)

   - Hamster Halloween Special (?)(!) – Upcoming. I’ve never heard of this. Did they actually make it? It says that it will be a full-color comic where the Hamsters face “the Toilet Bowl Tots”. Huh. Sounds pretty interesting. I wonder if their plans changed on this comic, or it was rolled into a different story.

Chin also talks about the first ever Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamstour! A road trip with he, Parsonavich, and Chip Wood visiting comic shops across California. Ah, 1986… If only I could have been there. (In California, I mean. I still existed in 1986.)



"Be there or be Oblong!" Haha. I'm gonna use that.

The Letters Page Contributors (Hamster Hall of Fame):

This issue they are:

     Ethan Marak – Eureka, CA

     Sheree Price – Sumter, SC
     Chris Hutchinson, Winnipeg, Canada (wow, the Hamsters have gone international!)
     Kevin Miguel – Maui, HI
     Steven Rea Thomas – VP of Kansas City Comic Book Club

I like Chin’s answers to their questions. Ethan asked where Clint got his haircut. Answer? “Clint has naturally ‘mohawky’ hair”.

He answers the question pertaining to Bob the Cat, R.I.P.

Steven the VP has quite a lot to say, most of it negative. That kind of baffles my mind. Why take the time to write in if you don’t have much good to say? Maybe this was before we had internet trolls, so people wrote annoying comments on paper. Anyway… Steve says “The art was very amateurish” and “I was not impressed by the writing.” Then, “I have changed my mind about the writing.” And finally, “This is not a great comic, but it is highly entertaining.”

Wow. That’s sort of like praise wrapped up in an insult. It’s reminiscent of a brownie with only a LITTLE bit of poop baked in. Well, Chin may have been too nice to say it but I will: What the heck, Steve? That was uncool, dude.

Rating

Humor             7 / 10
Story                8 / 10
Art                   7 / 10 (Sorry, I just didn’t care for the abrupt change in art.)
Style                 9 / 10
Overall           7.75 / 10