Review – Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters: Volume 1, Issue 1

In which the governments of Earth unite to battle a cosmic menace, and out of the chaos, four heroes emerge...



Eclipse Volume 1, Issue 1

Issue Number: 1

Publisher: Eclipse Comics
Publication Date: 1986

Writer: Don Chin

Artist: Parsonavich
Editors: Don Chin and Cat Yronwode
Inside Back Cover: Herb Wood

Cover Price: $1.50

Current Price: $3.00

Story

In 1977, Earth is threatened with a menace from space: Radioactive Cosmic Jello! The governments of earth unite to deal with the threat. NASA comes up with a plan, but it is dangerous. Someone is needed to fly a rocket into the jello, and detonate it. Volunteers are requested.

America offers Billy Carter. Canada offers Bob and Doug McKenzie. Britain offers The Sex Pistols. And Poland offers four hamsters. The hamsters are chosen. Bravely they face their mission, piloting the rocket into space. The rocket enters the jello, and detonates.

The hamsters are thrown from the explosion, and sent hurtling through space. They crash land in Tibet, where they are discovered by a kindly monk who takes them in. Their coming fulfills a prophecy of “The four who fall from the sky.”

Changed by the cosmic radiation, the hamsters now stand about 3.5 feet tall, look somewhat human-like, and are able to think. They are each trained by the monks in the martial arts, along with the associated traditional weaponry (which apparently includes firearms). They are:

   Chuck – The leader of the group.

   Jackie – Who usually has a circle around his left eye, but sometimes his right.
   Bruce – Who usually has a circle around his right eye, but sometimes his left. Uses a bo.
   Clint – The most distinctive of the hamsters. Has darker fur, a mohawk, 80’s shades, and an earring that looks like a razorblade. Fights with a gun.

The Tibetan monks send them out on their first mission: to bring a package to the head monk’s brother in San Francisco, because “the UPS rates are outrageous up here”. On their way, they run into the Abdominal Snowman, a drug dealer who tries to sell them drugs. They beat him up, and steal his car – a Delorean (naturally!). Inside the glove box, they find $312,077.12.

At the airport ticket counter, the salesperson refuses to sell them their first class seats, insisting that they ride in cages. At this, Clint goes ballistic, pulls out his gun, and shoots up the airport. This strategy proves to be successful, because the next panel shows them in the airplane, in the seats they requested.

While flying to America, the plane is hijacked by five ruffians, members of the P.L.O. – Pot Luck Organization. They consist of:

-          Kid with a slingshot

      -          Nun with a machine gun
      -          Hockey player with a stick
      -          Mongolian with a sword
      -          Scuba-guy with a speargun

After they threaten the crew, the Hamsters intervene. They defeat each member of the P.L.O., saving the plane and everyone aboard. They are taken to the executive lounge. The comic ends with them about to land in America, seeing the Statue of Liberty being worked on below.

New Characters:

-          The Hamsters: Chuck, Jackie, Bruce, and Clint

-          Professor Cosby – International Cosmic Jello Expert

-          Master Lock – The Hamster’s Mentor

-          The Abdominal Snowman – Delorean-Driving Drug Dealer

-          Members of the P.L.O. (Pot Luck Organization) – Including Mongo the Mongolian.

Review

This comic is really funny, with a lot of parts that are hilarious. It covered all of the basics needed in an origin story, and is a great way to start the series. Several pages had me laughing out loud, which to me is a good indicator of whether something is worthwhile or not. The writing is juvenile. And so am I – so it’s great stuff!

The artwork is distinctive. Very unique. I’ve never seen anything like it. It works really well for this kind of comic. In some cases, the art itself made certain panels even funnier, intentionally. It is so unusual that people who are used to more conventional comic art may be turned off by it. I really like it though.

Overall, a great effort. Highly recommended!

Favorite Moments

-          The fact that the hamsters – in pre-radioactive form – look absolutely nothing like hamsters.



Hamsters? More like deranged monkeys!

 

      -          The hamsters giving each other the thumbs up in the rocket. Do hamsters even have thumbs?

-          The U.S.S.R. dropping thumb tacks on the U.S.’s U.N. rep’s seat.

-          Crashing in Tibet, with feet sticking out of the crater.

-        The hamsters listening to “Frankie Goes to Hollywood” on the radio as they drive in their Delorean. To this day, I can’t hear that song without thinking about the Hamsters! “Relax, suck to it, when you wanna come…”

-          The hamsters dreaming of naked women (twice).

-          Clint shooting up the airport to get the first class seats they want, which surprisingly works.

-          On the airplane watching “Return of the Red Eye”, starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Cheech and Chong.

Memorable Dialogue / Hamsterisms:

-          “As a expert theorist on the hamster decision-making process, it is my opinion that hamsters, at best, are indecisive, putting off important decisions until the last possible moment.”

-          “On their own, each is a wimp fine fighter, but put all of them together and they form the unstoppable, uncanny, fantastic, invincible, spectacular, amazing, new, improved, 1986, bio-degradable (okay---- enough already) Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters.”

-          “To avoid potential conflict, one should 1. File your income tax early and 2. Stay away from gay bars!”

-          “Why the black belt?” “To hold your pants up, stupid!”

-          “What’s this disguise kit’s name anyway?” “Generic ugly American.”

-          “Aw, quit yer belly-achin’ Chuckie-baby.”

-          “Ohhh! Yoda get real stoned!”

-          “Aw Yoda, don’t die on me man! I told ja not to mix those funky mushrooms in with your stew, but you had to do it anyways, didn’t ya, ya little green s*#t!”

-          “Listen sister – unless you want a third nostril, you’ll hand me that gun!”… “What happened to the nun?” “She wanted a third nostril.”

Random Thoughts

There are some differences between the first edition and the second edition of this comic. The first is actually a smaller comic, with later editions about a quarter of an inch taller in height. The print on the back looks slightly different also.

 



At Left: a 1st Edition; Center and Right: 2nd Editions

The cover art is kind of hard to figure out at first. If you put the front and back together, it makes more sense.



It's a Madhouse! A madhouse, I tell you!

 

The hamsters appear to be running away from a giant crowd, including but not limited to:

   1.      Monks
   2.      A nun
   3.      Somebody with a hangman’s gallows
   4.      Members of the KKK
   5.      Some guy with a needle
   6.      A cat and dog
   7.      A kid with a slingshot
   8.      The devil
   9.      The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themselves (!)
   10.  Chin and Parsonavich (!)

Not sure how the Turtles feel about showing up in this comic. For the life of me, I never noticed that until I sat down to write this!

 


So... Those two are the problem, eh? Figures!

The appearance of Chin and Parsonavich is funny. Not particularly surprising though, since they tend to make self-depreciating cameos throughout the series.

Rating

Humor             9 / 10

Story               9 / 10
Art                   9 / 10
Style                10 / 10

Overall            9.25 / 10